Grief For Job Loss When Fired

There is grief to be endured when you’re fired.

 

Can you find the good while grieving the loss of a job? It may not matter to you if the job was one that you didn’t like. Or if you didn’t have relationships at work that you cared about.

 

Like most other things, I believe that there is a grief stage when you lose a job, whether it was your doing or the other way around.

 

It’s one year to the day since I received my separation notice. There was a grieving stage leading up to it because I knew it was coming since other items that could have stopped it didn’t want to be dealt with. There was the grieving stage on April 11, 2017 when the email arrived and subsequently the hard-copy letter. And for me, there was a grieving stage as I decided to move forward and build something that was a side-hustle but has now become a full-time hustle.

 

The grief of losing a job that you weren’t ready to lose…well, that’s something that stays with you. But as our Editorial Assistant Rachel Alfiero wrote recently, “Anxiety doesn’t have to derail your life.”

 

Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a well-known Swiss-American psychiatrist, uses her DABDA (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) model for impending death or those left behind after someone has died. I believe this can be applied to most losses.

 

Denial: Denial is always the first of the five stages of grief because it helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. I don’t believe I was ever in denial about the situation once I acknowledged what was happening.

 

Anger: Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. I can attest to this. There were times when I felt like the anger over the situation would swirl around me and then tighten its grip. It’s said that the more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal.

 

Bargaining: This is the “coulda woulda shoulda” phase. The “if only” phase. I didn’t go through this because there was really nothing I could do. When you have no one to talk to that can make a difference, the only “shoulda” you have is to move on.

 

Depression: Withdrawn and left in a fog. I know that I went through this phase because it felt like so much was lost and that all the work that was done didn’t matter.

 

Acceptance: Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not always the case. Acceptance can also mean that you realize that you must move forward and let some things go.

 

Once I got to the “acceptance” stage, it made me think. Really THINK about ME!

 

The thing I know about me is that I’m an optimist and definitely did not want to become a pessimistic person. I had already dealt with that and didn’t want to become what I didn’t like, so I did the following 5 things to help me focus on myself during this stressful time:

 

HUMILITY: I had to forgive myself and let go of comparisons, judgement, regret, fear, anger, victimhood, shaming and blaming.

 

COMMUNICATION: I had to watch my words and speak with honesty and truth. Listening to music helped me tremendously with this.

 

ACCOUNTABILITY: Be responsible to ME and decide if Corporate America is where I want to be. Or do I take the chance on myself and the idea that I started in 2013?

 

SPIRITUALITY: Nurtured my spirituality by taking some time to reconnect to my joy, wonder, happiness, humility and my relationship with God.

 

HAPPINESS: I wanted to be happy. Intoxicatingly HAPPY! So it was long drives, music as loud as the volume would go, the Jersey shore, spending time with my youngest grandson and listening to the trees at Longwood Gardens that brought me happiness.

 

And I can’t leave this out: make the side-hustle the main squeeze. Nurture it, grow it, put it into action, find good resources, acquire a business partner, democratize social health empowerment and bring a native Health Wellness & 360° Well-Being app to life for women by women with a Corporate Wellness component that is already gaining expressed interest.

 

Yes, the struggle is real and the sacrifice is great, but it’s giving me an opportunity to build as an entrepreneur instead of the intrapreneur.

So today, on my firstThat's Tam - Goodbye anniversary of being FIRED from my job, I’ve “let it go” and am following the yellow brick road to Live Life GRAND!  I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 

Tam

Founder & President, She’s It LLC

 

 


I listened to a lot of music with meaningful lyrics in the last year.  Here are a few lyrics that I love and that helped me from “My Life” by Mary J Blige. The video and song are at the end.

 

Life can be only what you make it
When you’re feelin’ down
You should never fake it
Say what’s on your mind
And you’ll find in time
That all the negative energy
It would all cease
 
Life can be only what you make it
When you’re feelin’ down
You should never fake it
Say what’s on your mind
And you’ll find in time
That all the negative energy
It would all cease

If you looked in my life and see what I’ve seen

 

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